Written by Darla Harms

I recently took an organization that hires me as an Executive Coach and Trainer through the book, “Boundaries for Leaders” by Dr. Henry Cloud. This is an excellent book on how to set clear boundaries for the team’s we lead. Dr. Cloud is very clear that as leaders we are to help people see that they are “ridiculously in charge” of their work. I love the phrase “ridiculously in charge” because it really seeks to eliminate excuses, all excuses.

At Small Town Girls Play Big we talked about the excuses we make regarding money. Our speaker, Kathy Lambert, from KBL Impact Partners, shared about her self-limiting beliefs around money as she started a non-profit 23 years ago. Working through her self-limiting beliefs around money led to her raising money and writing grants that ultimately provided millions of dollars to her non-profit over the 23 years she was the Executive Director. Most profoundly, Kathy Lambert addressed her self-limiting beliefs and stopped making excuses. She became, “ridiculously in charge” of her mindset, her beliefs, and her actions.

According to Dr. Cloud, the opposite of being “ridiculously in charge” is “learned helplessness”. Learned helplessness means that we have “learned” to become “helpless”. I have seen this in my own life and in the life of my clients and members at Small Town Girls Play Big. Learned helplessness is learned behavior that keeps us from living our best life and feeds our self-limiting beliefs.

It’s time to do a deep dive into our self-limiting beliefs, how they create learned helplessness, and lead to excuses. If we are going to PLAY BIG, we are going to have to change mindsets, work on our thinking and change it. Like Kathy said in our training this month, you can change your thinking, you can remove self-limiting beliefs and you can create what you thought was impossible. To do that we need to adopt the mindset that we are “ridiculously in charge” of our thoughts and our lives. We need to start owning our thoughts instead of passively accepting them as absolute truth. I love this quote by leadership expert Cy Wakeman, “Don’t believe everything you think.”

It’s time to do the work around these excuses so that we can live our best lives and inspire other women to do the same.


Darla Harms
Small Town Girls Play Big

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